Piše: Tamara Tripić, predsednica UO Mreže za demokratski dijalog
U poslednje vreme stalno nailazim na izjave i intervjue nekih sjajnih i uspešnih žena iz biznisa, politike, lekarki, univerzitetskih profesorki, glumica, rediteljki, sjajnih nastavnica, preduzetnica. Sve mi se ozarene smeše sa portala, medija, preplavljene entuzijazmom uspeha koji su ostvarile i nesporno zaslužile. Gledam kako hrabro odgovaraju o balansu privatnog i poslovnog života, o tome kako stižu da spreme deci zdrave obroke, da se redovno rekreiraju, da pomognu kad god mogu svojoj zajednici, kako imaju partnera koji ih razume i podržava, kako uspevaju da ne zapostave potrebe dece i njihovo odrastanje. Čitam i slušam, kako su brižne prema roditeljima i spremne da daju podršku drugim ženama da krenu njihovim stopama. Onako lepo obučene, sa stilom i savršenom frizurom, diskretnom šminkom, sve baš po mom ukusu. I one stvarno zaslužuju i pažnju medija i pažnju javnosti i one zaista jesu dale sebe za svoje uspehe i jesu hrabre i jesu sposobne, ma carice u svakom smislu.
Ono što boli je što uspeh žene mora da se opravdava, da deca ne trpe, da roditelji ne trpe zbog toga, da kuća ne trpi zbog toga jer je napravljena neka uzorčno posledična veza da je posledica uspeha žene uvek trpljenje nekoga ili nečega. Ona kad se probudi, mora da spremi decu za školu da ne bude posle „ma samo joj je uspeh važan, pustila decu niz vodu“, mora da se sredi da ne ispadne da se zapustila, mora da nadje vreme za kuvanje jer će biti da joj kuća nije bitna, mora da ustane pre svih da sredi frizuru da ne ispadne neuredna, mora da sve to uradi uz osmeh da ne postane dzangrizava supruga koju je opio uspeh, mora da juri da ne ispadne pogubljena, mora da ćuti o umoru da ne demorališe nekoga, mora da sija jer samo tako će dobiti priznanje da je uspela. A sve samo zato što je oduvek znala da je pametna i sposobna i da može više. I onda je sredina objasnila da uspeh mora da opravda savršenim odnosom prema svim drugim stvarima da bi ga, valjda bila vredna.
Drage moje ostaverene poznanice i nepoznanice, ne morate vi ništa i i dalje ćete biti sjajne. I sasvim je normalno da neki dan ne središ kuću, nek to uradi neko drugi i da poludiš jer te deca izvedu iz takta i da ti se taj dan ne priča sa partnerom i da nestigneš da opereš kosu i da ne stigneš da skuvaš ručak i da si loše raspoložena i da imaš nesavršenosti i mane jer ćeš i dalje biti i snažna i ona prava i uzor i ima nas koji ćemo uživati u tvojim uspesima. Uvek će neko biti ponosan na tebe, a ostali su ionako tražili u svakoj tvojoj rečenici opravdanje zašto su zavidni na tvoje uspehe.
Osmi mart je opomena da moramo još mnogo da radimo na pravima kako bi se žene osećale poštovano svakom pogledu u ovom društvu…još uvek se penjemo tim stepenicama!
You don’t have to do anything, my dear!
Lately, I’ve been coming across statements and interviews of some brilliant and successful women in business, politics, medicine, university professors, actresses, directors, great teachers, and entrepreneurs. They all smile with enthusiasm and pride on portals and media, overwhelmed with the success they have achieved and undoubtedly deserved. I watch how bravely they respond to the balance between their private and professional lives, how they manage to prepare healthy meals for their children, exercise regularly, help their community whenever possible, have a partner who understands and supports them, and how they manage not to neglect their children’s needs and upbringing. I read and listen to how caring they are for their parents and ready to support other women to follow in their footsteps. They look nicely dressed with style and perfect haircuts, discreet makeup, everything just my cup of tea. And they truly deserve media attention and public attention. They really have given themselves for their achievements, and they are brave and capable, queens in every sense.
What hurts is that a woman’s success must be justified, that children, parents, or the house should not suffer because of it, as if there is a causal relationship between a woman’s success and someone or something else’s suffering. When she wakes up, she has to prepare her children for school so that no one says later, “She only cares about her success, she neglected her children.” She has to fix herself up so that she doesn’t look like she let herself go. She has to find time to cook because it will be assumed that the house is not important to her. She has to wake up before everyone else to fix her hair so that she doesn’t appear messy. She has to do all of this with a smile so that she doesn’t become a grumpy wife who has been intoxicated by success. She has to hurry so that she doesn’t appear lost. She has to keep quiet about her fatigue so as not to demoralize anyone. She has to shine because that’s the only way she’ll get recognition that she succeeded. And all of this just because she always knew she was smart and capable and could do more. And then society explained that success must be justified by a perfect relationship with all other things so that she can be deemed worthy.
My dear accomplished known and unknown friends, you don’t have to do anything, and you will still be great. And it’s entirely normal not to clean the house some day, let someone else do it, and get annoyed because your children drive you crazy. It’s okay if you don’t feel like talking to your partner that day or not to have time to wash your hair or cook lunch, or to be in a bad mood, and you have imperfections and flaws because you’ll still be strong and the real role model, and there are those of us who will enjoy your successes. Someone will always be proud of you, and the rest of them are just looking for an excuse in every sentence you said to justify their envy of your achievements.
March 8th is a reminder that we still have a lot of work to do on women’s rights to make us feel respected in every way in this society… we are still climbing those stairs!”